|
¡°Living without Perishing...Going
beyond Common Sense and Prejudice¡±
- I attempted killing
myself by taking RH 787 rat
poison carrying such a horrendous
toxicity November 1977. As the
aftereffects, there came not
only type-I diabetes but also
the symptom in which I could
hardly adapt to hot temperature...like
sunshine, heat, steam and hot
weather, and moreover...to light
of various kinds.
This is the most difficult
part even so far, although I
have been surviving for 28 years
since 1977.
- Speaking of diabetes in
my homepage, although either
is the same diabetes, the writer
assigns rather more pages for
the seriously diabetic patients
who have been suffering from
so many kinds of complications
that diabetes brought through
its injections for 10, 20, 30..,
compared to the patients who
are latent with trivial diabetic
symptoms, who are in the early
stage less than 5 years since
insulin shot, and who haven¡¯t
yet developed special complications.
- One should keep in mind
that the clearest characteristic
is its ¡°progressiveness.¡±
Diabetes itself is the first
concern in the early stage struggle-against-disease
that begins insulin administered
for the first time, but with
the passage of 10 years, 20...after
the development of diabetes,
one gets to be more concerned
about how many kinds complications
are from diabetes, and how serious
the symptoms are.
As the complications get
more serious with passage of
time, one¡¯s physical condition
gets each different step by
step in 10 years, 20, 30,...
As you see in the term ¡°progressiveness,¡±
remember that it is ¡®a general
characteristic of diabetes¡¯
that living itself gets inevitably
more and more grave because
the complications get more and
more serious with passage of
time, and so one must manage
his or her body ahead of time.
This is how a wise patient does.
- As I mentioned above, the
RH787, distributed in the mid
¡¯70s, was a rat poison with
the aftereffects too severe
and terrible.
(For the first days after
taking RH787 poison, I had my
saliva running down my mouth
like a cow, in addition to such
neurotoxin symptom as if each
joint of the body were stabbed
by blades.., and necessarily
there came type-I diabetes.
And after some months passed
since taking poison, I began
to grow skinnier and skinnier
and had my body muscles fade
away like a patient of ¡®Lou
Gehrig¡¯s disease¡¯ or ¡®muscular
dystrophy¡¯.., and in the meantime
I had all parts of the body
numb and hurt and all my functions
of the body disappeared gradually,
until the poison eater might
finally have died in painful
agony. Those are the characteristics
that this chemicals caused.)
- In my personal experience,
however tiny a bit the weather
went up because I hardly adapted
to hotness or light such as
sunshine, heat, steam.., I have
remained for 26 years rolling
nakedly or getting in and out
of mild water countless times,
so that the fever in the body
could go down.
Due to the present(?) of
the ¡®progressiveness,¡¯ I have
had my skin more susceptible
and more weakened as more time
passed by, until theses days
I have been getting more serious
in skin popping-open and splitting
unless I care for skin moisturizing
1-2 times after shower in the
situation that I have to live
friendly with water because
of the fever in the body.
- Like you see in motion
pictures ¡®surviving without
perishing¡¯ in that severe condition,
the gorgeous and drastic dancing
was possible because there have
been God¡¯s grace and my own
¡®painful life struggle¡¯ as
far as tumbling, wailing, vomiting
in the past 26 years (I was
able to do nothing but lying
on the bed with significant
others¡¯help of clearing urines
and feces for 2 years). This
is the essence of this writing.
Although the life after November
1977 was more close to ¡®struggle¡¯
rather than ¡®patience and efforts,¡¯
yet this intense attitude of
life has made me live often
hearing I was ¡®crazy guy¡¯
from neighbors. It is general
that most of them I know treat
me as an eccentric or crazy
guy, though only a few of my
acquaintances around me acknowledge
me as a great person of now
past 26 years.
- By virtue of the ¡®lifestyle
beyond common sense and prejudice,
I intend to introduce my own
some peculiar ways of living
that have brought me to survival
up to now for still other crazy
guys(?) or for seriously diabetic
patients.
1. Diet Life
Having insulin administered
for a long time, it is common
that one meets with the worst
physical condition of the day,
whether he is into asthenia
or not, after getting up in
the morning.
With vulnerable inner mouth
and swollen gum, the mouth inside
is hurting, sore and stinging
whenever I eat things. In fact,
Korean food¡¯s peculiarity is
peppery, salty, hot, cold..,
in another word, ¡®stimulus
itself.¡¯ Even so, I couldn¡¯t
but eat, because of the lower
level of blood sugar.
Insulin-shot diabetics must
take a fixed amount of calorie
from carbohydrate and saccharide.
As years go by, it feels too
hard to have rice in the morning;
rice gruel is too short of calorie..,
so it is not easy to find something
good to eat because of my vulnerable
mouth inside.
In the past, I had breakfast
with coffee, bread and a piece
of fruit or so, but recent days
I have breakfast with icecream
+ coffee beans + my self made
juice (for the sake of balanced
nutrition).
In general common sense,
one might think it is odd to
hear that a seriously diabetic
patient who has insulin shot
28 years has icecream and coffee
as a unit of meal. Yet, I chose
it for breakfast, considering
the powerlessness that seriously
diabetic patients often suffer
when they get up out of the
bed, the vulnerableness within
their mouths, and their teeth
loosened in the gum. It is the
meal formula in which calorie
is high, which is neither hot,
nor cold, nor peppery nor salty.
Boiled rice, gruel, bread
and noodles that Koreans often
choose for meal menu are carbohydrate-based
meal. If one has carbohydrate-oriented
meals, it doesn¡¯t immediately
get into the body. First it
must turn into saccharide in
the body, so it becomes assimilated.
Too odd for a diabetic, this
habit of my morning meal is
only that I omitted just one
step in the metabolism of the
human body.
(Just a minute - There are
more percentage of diabetics
in the West than in Korea. Yet,
they say there are nowadays
more cases of diabetes developed
in the East than in the West.
¡°However, do they eat boiled
rice-and-soup-oriented meals,
like us Koreans?¡± This should
be considered at least more
than once.)
- It is accepted as an established
fact that the rice and soup
are better for Koreans for health
and that¡®the cereal diet with
boiled rice is better especially
for diabetics.¡¯ Meanwhile,
it might be rather a burdensome
prejudice to persist that diabetics
must necessarily eat boiled
rice and soup, despite the fact
that it could cause their faces
to get into grimace out of pain
inside the mouth or even their
teeth fall broken easily if
the diabetic patients chew or
eat stimulative food at the
start of the day.
- If you are one of the patients
with ¡®progressive chronic disease,¡¯
you may as well know it should
be more helpful that you ¡®keep
what you like within yourself
moderately¡¯ rather than put
down or abstain from it, so
that you can persist longer
without becoming overwhelmed
in such a long struggle against
disease.
2. Eye Care
In a word, the relevant person
lives with fear complex.
Now that I know how far eye
damage or impediment of diabetics
goes, eyesight getting more
and more impaired is the part
that I am most afraid of. Due
to the RH787¡¯s aftereffect
itself, I was very irresistible
to heat, sunshine.., from the
beginning. This is a part which
overlaps with the complications
caused by diabetes.
It is over 5 years since
I last saw TV and 15 years since
I last read newspapers to a
degree. In proportion as my
eyes got weaker and more fragile
and more spoiled, I have chosen
the Word of God and theological
books that are written only
in as big letters as possible.
Speaking of what habits of
living I am doing for my eyesight
to be extended even slightest:
1) Sunglasses:
As sense of resistance begins
at a certain moment during struggle
against disease, sunglasses
is necessary from then on. You
must have prepare 2~3 dark-colored
glasses.
For reference, enumerating
what have evil influence to
the eye in everyday life for
those who may worry about their
eyes getting more tired and
going worse whenever watching
books, it is the following order,
¡®book < newspaper <
TV < computer < the headlight
opposite in the night,...¡¯
If one keeps away from books
while watching newspapers and
TV and driving with a view to
protecting his eyes, it is wrong
methodology of protecting eyes.
However good safety glasses
will not keep the eyes from
being stimulated.
2) Before sleep, lower your
eye temperature:
For the diabetics who have
heat go up just the upper body,
or especially heat go up to
their eyes to get bloodshot
and feel hurt, they should necessarily
lower their heat down before
they sleep. (As for me, I have
used electric bed until 2003
in order to protect my joint.
But since 2004 when my kidneys
and eyes got more tender and
worse, I couldn¡¯t use even
the electric bed to avoid the
symptom of heat going up the
upper body. This way, the body
going in a bad direction as
time goes by is a feature of
diabetes, a dreadful reality
of ¡®progressive chronic diseases.¡¯)
If heat goes up in the body,
even in winter, you have to
open the window a bit and move
about with your clothes as few
as possible so as to lower the
room temperature. I would like
to emphasize if there is any
best exercise for relieving
the stiffness without burden
without getting bored long time
in the small space before sleep,
there is nothing better than
the soft dancing mixed with
model¡¯s walking.
- It is still better if you
move rhythmically everyday life.
3. Foot Care
Although I am careful everyday
not to have my feet injured,
wearing only comfortable shoes
in 10 years, 20...since insulin
injected for the first time,
I have my toe nails dead and
my heels or big toes blistered
easily even at the time when
I walk merely a little more
than usual. For diabetics, more
than a fixed amount of walking
every day is a necessity, so
I cannot even think of stopping
the walk.
If you get a blister on a
foot while walking, you get
a bigger blister after walking
the next day. If you venture
another walk the next day, this
time the blister breaks completely
out. On the grounds of foot
characteristic, if a wound took
place, one should wipe his feet
clean for the good of cleanness.
If one wipes his feet clean,
the small cut caused by a blister
gets bigger, broken open, inflamed
and festered, which process
I often see. In this situation,
the foot sufferer is advised
as under:
1) Antibiotic injection:
If the wound remains still
unhealed after disinfecting
the wound clean and applying
the antibiotic-contained cream
on the affected part, purchase
Kanamycin and stilled water
and then inject it right behind
the affected part by dividing
0.5cc (half of 1cc) into 2~3
places. Unfortunately now after
the separation of medicine and
clinic, it is difficult nowadays
to get Kanamycin in pharmacies.
If you get a chance into
hospital on account of a wounded
foot, it is a good way that
you request being injected near
the wound instead of buttocks.
- Painfulness is better than
cutting out. -
2) Walking on toes:
Even if mycillin is administered
through an injector around the
affected part, the wound doesn¡¯t
easily heal up in the situation
of using one¡¯s feet in everyday
living.
In ¡®91~¡¯95, I suffered
a lot because of my feet. One
thing I found out after a lot
of pains is walking on toes.
I guess the amount of walking
by common persons might be around
30~60 minutes a day. For the
first time when I walked on
toes, I could walk only as long
as 1~2 minutes before rest,
and then walk again,... Later,
I got accustomed to walking
on toes to the level where I
rested only few times to walk
for half an hour.
This habit has a virtue through
which one can observe the amount
of walking for the day while
he can avoid giving direct stimulation
to the foot wound at the same
time.
Suffering for 4~5 years because
of the successive cuts on the
foot, yet before a few months
since introducing that method
into daily life, the wounds
on the foot would begin to be
cured.
Now, whenever there comes
a blister on the heel or toe,
I use this method.
4. Teeth and Mouth Care
Keeping clean is the most
important. Personally, I brush
my teeth 3-5 times with 4-5
toothbrushes. Easy to visit
diabetics, the gum transformation
started to develop little by
little after 1987, 10 yeas since
insulin shot, but I have no
artificial tooth yet.
How to manage teeth and the
mouth is:
1) After alcohol, clean your
mouth before sleeping:
In order to be careful to
manage teeth and the mouth,
it is the most important to
brush one¡¯s teeth before sleep
or after alcohol. First, make
bubbles with toothbrush add
natural thick salt onto the
foamy toothbrush; then brush
you teeth with the bubbles of
toothpaste and salt. Because
your teeth might hurt if brushing
is too fast, you may do it slowly
and a little longer by repeating
it 2~3 times.
2) Wear a mask:
My teeth felt chilly, particularly
in winter my teeth felt chilly
and painful to the point of
crying out in the room after
returning from a walk. However,
wearing a mask solved the chilly
teeth problem to a degree. You
may use 2 masks one over the
other, if one is not enough
to solve that chilly symptom.
In my case because I feel
my teeth chilly around 15¡É
outside, I must necessarily
wear a mask October~April.
3. Keep your lips moist:
Diabetic patients drink more
water when it is difficult to
adjust blood sugar level, when
things are harder, when the
mouth inside is dirty.., and
when lips are dry. In order
to prevent your lips from being
dry, make a habit of applying
a small amount of Vaseline or
lip gloss on the lips when you
finish brushing your teeth.
5. Skin Care
As you get farther and longer
into diabetes, you get your
skin too tender, thinner and
weaker. So only a bit lowered
humidity or slight stimulation
could cause you to scratch you
skin.
If this scratching is merely
for a moment, it is all right.
But the problem is, because
even scratching it to the point
of being bloody feels not enough
to solve the itchiness in case
of diabetes or atopic dermatitis,
one gets to scratch for an endless
while.
For the patients who have
their skin gotten more vulnerable,
weaker and thinner due to diabetes
and for those patients of skin
disease who are suffering from
atopic dermatitis due to the
skin too sensitive to simulation,
their best way of protecting
their skin is to keep the optimum
humidity of the skin and to
avoid stimulation to one¡¯s
utmost. In my case, I often
take a shower (bath) but apply
soap much less times for the
good of keeping the skin moisture.
How to preserve skin moistness
and avoid stimulation is:
1) Instead of soap, use paste
of flour mixture:
Flour (vegetable) + oil (vegetable)
is basic.
According to how the skin
situation is, flour and some
other additions can be decided.
The flour mixture used in
place of soap is basically flour
and oil, but according to season,
one can apply the additions
a little differently. (When
in dry season as from November
though March, the amount of
oil may be increased.)
If it is burdensome to make
dough whenever taking shower,
you can use a bubble maker to
make the dough of lotion-like
density and then put it in the
refrigerator before you use
later. How to apply is, after
massaging your body with the
mixture as if you apply soap,
then you need to take a little
more time of rinsing your body
than usual without using any
soap.
2) Oil massage
After shower, it is better
to apply oil widely at once
rather than wiping the remaining
water with a towel. The longer
time passes, the worse their
body condition go, which is
diabetic patients¡¯ general
trait. For skin also, the longer
time goes by, the more susceptible
and thinner it is supposed to
grow.
In my case, I cared my skin
with only baby oil around 10
years from insulin shot, but
as time goes by, baby oil +
Vaseline was added. Since 2002,
I have been managing my skin
through olive oil + Vaseline.
In 2002-2003 where I was amidst
the disease caused by pent-up
rage, even my skin went so worse
that I had to apply as far as
margarine for the good of skin
moisturizing.
In order to smear the surface
oil into the body, you can rub
the skin for 20~30 minutes as
if massaging, please. You must
treat the skin this far, so
that you may have your skin
protected and free of itchiness.
According as more susceptible,
weaker and drier as the skin
grows, oil massage has to become
more part of one¡¯s daily life.
(Due to the clotted oil, it
is better to separate one¡¯s
underwear from his family clothes.)
3) Even if you couldn¡¯t
resist scratching the affected
part, don¡¯t scratch your bare
flesh, rather scratch it with
full of Vaseline on the skin.
That way, it will be less itching
and make a smaller scar left.
6. Strengthening the Skin
The longer the period of
insulin administered is, the
more susceptible, the thinner,
the weaker and the too drier
the skin grows, so one becomes
weary of touching water with
the body or hands. Afterwards,
blood vessels get so weaker
and weaker to the point where
even blood vessel injection
is hard to be administered.
For those early-stage patients
who have insulin shot, it is
strongly advisable to strengthen
their skin first before it becomes
susceptible, thinner and weaker.
1) Sunbathing
In my case, due to aftereffects
of RH787, it is hard for my
body to accept any of sunshine,
steam or heat from the very
beginning, but in 3~4th months
and in 9~10th months of the
year, I had tried to sunbathe
inside the house as often as
possible by using the sunshine
that came through the windows.
(This part applies to only before
2003.)
It was a sunbath with oil
smeared over my body, with an
electric bed on the floor and
with an electric fan by the
side to cool down the fever
on the body. If somebody had
seen this, he might have said
¡®a crazy guy is doing a crazy
thing.¡¯ Meanwhile, I would
rather ask back to them, ¡°Then,
why do you have to sunbathe
only in 7~8th months the year?!¡±
Not only I but also anybody
who has an extremely weak heart
must never dream of sunbathing
in 7~8th months of the year.
I would notify that heat is
a complete poison for man¡¯s
heart, kidneys and eyes.
2) How to strengthen your
skin through coffee beans
In ¡®5. Skin Care,¡¯I suggested
one should keep moisturizing
by using a lotion-level density
of flour paste and oil in place
of soap as one of the ways of
managing the skin. Another knowhow
is, as for the patients whose
skin can bear lesser stimulation
yet, if they mix that paste
with the remaining grounds of
boiled coffee beans and apply
this paste enough upon the body
and then if they rub the skin
surface long time without much
pressure, it will be helpful
to strengthening the skin.
One more effect by this action
is, it is also helpful enough
for strengthening the glans
penis as well as strengthening
the skin.
3) Suntan instrument
This is simply my hope. I
would like to use a suntan instrument
1~2 times a week for skin care,
but unfortunately no economic
power. I think the use of a
suntan instrument is a necessity
article for diabetics rather
than a luxury article for men
and women¡¯s fashion.
The problem is, how much
percent of patients are there
rich enough to have this benefit
bestowed?
7. Sex (Sexual Function)
Sexual dysfunction or other
sexual weakening symptoms are
rather common phenomena to those
who have had insulin shot for
a long time.
The patients who have been
in diabetes or other progressive
chronic diseases for a long
time need to understand that
sex is more importantly how
faithful to his life and how
self-respectful he is than how
frequent and how thoughtful
for the other party he is. If
one uses a strange drug or a
disposable instrument so as
to erect by force(?) his unerectable
penis caused by a bad physical
condition, then it might bring
an effect at first but he will
be faced with a minus result
later.
Even if he might not go back
to such ¡®bloom of his youth¡¯as
of old, only strengthening his
body is a shortcut to regain
the ¡®pride as a man.¡¯
1) Use a bathtub:
When you have your body heavy,
your lower body¡¯s joint poor
and blood circulation unsmooth,
put it into practice by studying
how to strain and loosen the
pelves to the utmost in the
bathtub. It is good for relaxing
the joint and it is less burdensome
because it is done in the water.
2) Masturbate without ejaculation
(practicing the control without
ejaculation):
One need make use of how
to keep on the state right before
ejaculation after he erects
his penis by giving a stimulus
to it. If the bodily look right
before ejaculation is reflected
on the mirror, he will be able
to find that each part of the
body that his eyes might reach
is changing, sphincteral muscle,
perineal region, navel, pleura,
skin color, joints, muscle,...
If you ejaculate, it is nothing
more than masturbation, so be
careful. Keep in mind there
are many examples to which this
method and pose above was applied,
like the ¡®ether¡¯ that oriental
herb medicine says, the sexual
methodology in the Chinese classical
books, yoga or tantra in Indo,...
3) Walk like a fashion model:
If one walks with heels up,
with spinal column upright,
with the belly and the ribs
held up, the muscles of the
legs, the buttocks and the belly
get strained.
This is exercise-efficient
to the point where one instantly
feels the central power of the
body centering around mostly
the essential parts for sex,
like anus, perineal region,
penis, hypogastric region (the
abdomen),...
4) Exercise with rhythmic
waist:
If one puts this into practice,
he ought to move his waist fast
and moderately. Moving back
and forth and right and left,
one may as well move your waist
as rhythmically as your penis
strikes the inside of thighs,
the lower abdomen and the perineal
region.
- By moving as rhythmically
as this way, one¡¯s sexual dysfunction
caused by diabetes will be restored
a lot more.
5) Massage your waist beyond
count:
In order to heighten erectility,
one need massage, rub, stretch,
beat, twist.., whichever part
of the body one¡¯s hands reach
automatically, so he ought to
smoothen the circulation of
joints, blood vessels and nerves.
The parts hard to be reached
by the hands are such as navel,
the lower abdomen, penis, testicles,
perineal region, anus, crotch,
thighs, buttocks and the rear
waist where kidneys are. Those
are deeply and closely related
parts when one has sex as well.
Despite the fact that it
is a simple and easy treatment
to the point where there is
nothing better than this against
¡®sexual dysfunction,¡¯ yet
because of the following demanding
requirement(?), ¡®massage intensively
and untiringly for a long time,¡¯
this treatment has not been
easily applying to other people.
If I should say how, there is
no other special one but I just
massage the stiff or heavily
sore parts in a tough manner,
and then twist, strike or stretch
it as relentlessly as I almost
scream.
As simple as it is without
any special, if one practices
this method for only a year,
I am sure erectility will grow
as better as amazing.
The longer a patient has
been suffering from ¡®progressive
chronic disease,¡¯ the easier
it is to lose the confidence
in the life itself. For these
male patients, I am mentioning
as far as this queer and infantile(?)
method, so that ¡®even though
you are in the disease, you
shall live your high-spirited
life like the good old days
by gaining confidence in sex
instead of drooping heads down.¡¯
All humans wish to live a
healthy life. But health is
beautiful if it is in proportion
to the age. If 80-year-old man
has a 20-year-old body, the
relevant person might easily
swagger about in ¡®perkiness
(sexual playfulness, in original
text)¡¯ instead of ¡®liveliness,¡¯
so he easily gets to be cheeky.
Because of his ¡®presumptuousness,¡¯all
the neighbors have to look at
his actions with an awkward
and embarrassed feeling, instead
of blessing the strange old
man who is swaggering in the
¡®sexual playfulness.¡¯
The ¡®vigorousness¡¯ that
many earthly men, if not patients,
have dreamed of and are still
dreaming of can make the relevant
person look ugly, if the vigorousness
is too far apart from his age.
On the contrary, what if
a 20-year-old youth lives with
the 80-year-old body? This would
be the case in which he might
live the life that is accompanied
by nothing but rage, frustration
or deplorableness towards everything
referred to as ¡®man¡¯s life¡¯.
8. Care about Openings
of the Body
Here, the openings refer
to eyes, nose, mouth, ears,
navel, penis (vaginal opening)
and anus. A diabetic should
care for navel circumference,
penis and anus more than eyes,
nose, mouth, ears.
For, eyes, nose, mouth and
ears are the ones that one can
finger and massage, yet navel,
penis, anus and kidneys are
the ones that one can be put
finger on only where there is
nobody around. But they are
the openings that one ought
to take care of at least in
the bathtub, if not in other
places else. Even if you take
care of navel, penis, vaginal
opening, anus circumference,
it doesn¡¯t demand you to do
any unusually difficult or eccentric
ways.
The method is, whenever you
have time, at least if you take
a bath, you need just put pressure
on and rub the parts of navel,
penis, vaginal opening, anus
circumference and the rear waist
where kidneys are. Compared
to the investment in eyes, nose,
mouth and ears, it will bring
superior effects even if you
take care of it as much as only
1/3.
9. Diet; Live like a Feather
In proportion to more seriously
diabetic patients who had had
insulin shot for a longer time,
he is sure in for having his
joints and blood vessels more
weakened, worse and more spoiled.
Considering it holds true that
blood vessels, nerves, joints
and muscles get more spoiled
in proportion to longer insulin
administered, the patient ought
to somehow look for the ways
that will alleviate the burden
of joints of the lower body.
The joints of the lower body,
especially such as knees or
ankles, are directly related
to your own weight, of which
I would like to remind you once
again.
My stature is 178cm or 180cm(?).
Measured in the morning, my
weight is more or less 60kg.
Common Korean men in the mid
40s, who are the same as my
height, would live with the
weight of 70~80kg. I suppose
diabetic patients as well would
live with this similar physical
condition. However, there is
a distinct difference between
60kg and 80kg.
Measured in meat, there is
the following difference, 20kg,
or 33 kun.
If any who is reading this
writing, who¡¯s ever heard of
33 kun of meat, he would have
seen faster what I meant to
say.
In the swimming pool or in
the bathtub, you might lesson
your burden of your body, but
you cannot live in the water
for 24 hours a day and 365 days
a year. Yet in order to lesson
the burden of joints in the
lower body, there is no other
way but you ought to decrease
your weight by observing...diet.
¡®Diet!¡¯
According to how they think,
there are diabetics who might
think it¡¯s a mere waste of
labor, yet one must remember
this is a must prescription
in order to live and survive(?).
10. Develop the Spirit
¡®I must Live till the End¡¯
Else than these above, there
are many of my own habits of
living.
The patients in the long-term
struggle against disease must
see, that ¡®the best and the
final weapon¡¯ is ¡®the spirit
of I shall live till the end¡®
In 2 years of dying away
and in so miserable state of
things, yet through the religious
miracle August 1979, I have
been surviving until today.
However, speaking of how to
survive till today in such hardships
to the point of embarrassment,
such as the aftereffects caused
by RH787¡¯s unique poison +
the type-I diabetes and the
related complications + rejection
symptoms to heat, sunshine,
hot weather and steam and plus
to various lights, I believe
there have been ¡®God¡¯s amazing
grace and His hands of miracle
upon me.¡¯Still, I confess this
grace of God repeatedly yesterday,
today and tomorrow the same.
Meanwhile, even when my family,
neighbors and many other people
treated me as a ¡®crazy guy,¡¯
I have been living in any possible
way to live and survive, rolling
about by myself, gasping, raged,
frustrated, or even to the point
my eyes red-hot due to spitefulness.
Surviving up to today, writing,
making books, giving sermon,
dancing..,
I owe all these blessings
to my lifestyle which I have
carried on in the situation
of being fingerpointed as a
¡®crazy guy¡¯, I would like
to mention. (¡®The fear of the Lord is
the beginning of wisdom.¡¯ Proverb
9:10)
By making my books and homepage,
I am enlightening people in
my own way about how other patients
suffering from diseases, other
handicapped persons and other
people living in difficulty
as outsiders in our human society
can ¡°live like humans till
the end of their remaining days¡±
by learning ¡®how to live and
survive without dying.¡¯
History with only yesterday
is not genuine history.
Only when yesterday leads
to today and today to tomorrow
can we speak of history. This
is a genuine historical consciousness,
I dare insist.
It is true there is pain
to live, but I believe there
waits for me and us something
more that pain, that I can feel
because I live.
¡®For to him that is joined
to all the living there is hope:
for a living dog
is better than a dead lion.¡¯
(Ecclesiastes 9:4)
And let the beauty of
the LORD be upon us:
and establish thou the
work of our hands upon us;
yea, the work of our hands
establish thou it. (Psalm 90:17)
|
