*** But for the patients who have to fight against disease throughout their life times, they should know that the spirit, 'I'll survive to the very end' is the best and the final weapon, rather than one or two modes or personal know-hows.

According to how to use this weapon, success or failure of one's struggle against illness is decided. In this sense, we should know that the spirit above refers more strongly to 'hard-striving spirit,' 'serene attitude,' 'the historical view that I must live without dying,' rather than the modes how I can see the effect right at the moment.

Even if all kinds of patients, who confront a long term struggle against disease, might hang on to the struggle against the disease with their every best endeavor, yet not all of them acquire their ever desired result in their hands. Only, the strivers have more probability to get the desired result than the others.

I am also hanging on to it with my whole body and soul in order to make this probability higher.

If life gives man a result in proportion to his or her endeavors, the gloom realities of today wouldn't even have existed.

The uncertain word called 'tomorrow' demands only too much from me.

Text P.15-16 ‘Still I'd Like To Live’

*** In the situation one could go crazy out of deplorableness only with his or her ruined body, yet without blinking a eye on such mental stress of the patient, our society treats them by taking their words, 'I am seriously ill' as if 'I am a sinner.' This holds true like common sense in our society.

As these unreasonable pieces of judging are accepted generally in the society, so sufferer's bitterness builds up out of crumpled pride socially and economically only by reason of 'he or she is disease-stricken in the body.' In that situation, even between spouses there are only too many cases of living with bloody bruises in the bosom even like a drooped-down secrete 'member' of the body.

I am writing this essay in order to give the suffering readers some encouragement through the following words 'without heads down, lead confidence' at least to family members as in the saying, 'without your teeth, use your gum,' by introducing cool sex conception as an alternative even though they have no fluttering 'members,' rather than they lead their lives with heads down for their remaining lives, in proportion to such impotent male patients.

Meanwhile, I would like to make sure this is the matter of basic right and existent right as a basic human being, not the matter of obscenity.

Text P.165 ‘Still I'd Like To Live’

*** But, reality is too hard.

In proportion to increased artificial space - urbanization, modernization - made by man, there has been coming up too many a factor conducive to spoiling human eye sight.

No matter how worried public broadcasting media pretend to be about 'diabetes commotion' domestically and socially, they don't even suggest by identifying the existent problems in modern society. This reality applies not only to our country but to all over the world as well.

Such being the case in reality, there is such confusion between general information and prejudice, fiction and fact, belief and superstition,..as regards diabetes, that even inaccurate fixed ideas have set in among general facts.

Now, my eyes have hypersensitive reaction to not only heat and light but even color as well. Among red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet, the 6 colors except violet are allergic to the eye in the order of from latter to former.

'Influence of Heat on the Eyes of Diabetic Patients,'

'Allergic Reaction of Light Wavelength against Eyesight of Diabetic Patients,'

'Influence of Food's Calorie on the Eye,'...

If medical students study these subjects and come out with scientific papers and accordingly find solutions, I suppose diabetic patients will have gotten rather more comfortable to live on in 10 or 20 years.

Although red is the most stimulating color to the eye, red or orange is the most commonly-used light in Korea as far as 80~90%.

By a desperate measure, I live upon sun glasses, but this as well makes me frustrated. Diabetics in Korea are suffering in the reality where they have money but cannot get just what lenses they desperately need. By obtaining deep blue, deep green or deep black lens to keep off ultraviolet rays or light, I do want to wear those lenses after processing them according to my eyes' best fitting, yet there is still nothing of these pure blue, pure indigo or pure black in Korea. (It is the case at least to the best of my knowledge.)

To be sorry, eye-worst reddish tone is seasoned with deep blue, deep indigo or deep black lens currently sold in the market. This is what reality I have been faced with. Other people already have their eyes hurt or gone blind before they could even tell these words, whereas I have been striving to find any solution by even squirming and struggling till the end of my life, out of wish to live(?) like a human to the end.

Because I couldn't just look at the ruining bodies with hands down, I had to writhe in agony to find any alternative. Now, I am speaking out as far as to the parts where diabetic predecessors didn't spoke out.

Text P.234~235 ‘Still I'd Like To Live’

*** I would like to meet the people who have lived for 26 years since taking RH787 poison, or wouldn't mind whether it's 20, 30 years or so.

If there are at least any few who took RH787 poison who still now live, I would like to find out through them 'what lives have they lived!' Or, how are they living? by encountering other people with their uncommon seriously-handicapped bodies, and how have they managed to survive!'... Up to these, I would like to know.

By meeting my species(?) before I die and by laying bare my blood-bruised bosom which can never be shown to other species, I would like to have it gush out like lava even if just once, the blood-red sediment of mine deposited more clearly than the sunset glow.

I would like to add a peace of saying, for the good of people whose lives are to embrace each share(!) of the lives in their last-ditch fights, in their forcible endurance, in their vomiting and in their tumbling even until their last breath.

"No matter how hard walking and exercising is because of your ruined body as a patient, even if there is only the least strength to wriggle only your hands and feet, would you practice bathing in hot water, massaging in oil, fingering you body.., diligently please! If there is nothing remaining to do for yourself, you cannot but hold fast to this at the least."

Each life whose living has been hard to survive has to learn how to live with one's own body 'even if I die when I die,' so that mine may not be 'my life as a dog' even until the moment that I die.

For to him that is joined to all the living there is hope:

for a living dog is better than a dead lion. (Ecclesiastes 9:4)

Text P.292-293 ‘Still I'd Like To Live’

*** There are unexpected blind alleys(?) in one's living process.

Dung, urine, semen, money, credit, parent-child, friendship, human relationship, education,.. If even a normal person is interfered with by mere 1 or 2 of these matters, the person gets into fidgeting in difficulty of living. By how much more problems will he be interfered with, suppose the '20 year old man' who would be living, or would have to live, under more unprivileged situation than others?

Even healthy, intelligent, wealthy and handsome superiors get restless if they are interfered with by mere one or two problems. How much more 'stifled' will the opposite insufficient inferiors become, or feel 'breathless' as in a Korean expression, if they are interfered with by many worse problems, to make matters worse? This situation needs at least any breakthrough to take breath.

On the earth, there are characters who have to express their inside even through the acts that are exposed to finger-pointing by others. Even so, we should accept there are people who must do at least any kind of those acts in order to maintain themselves.

Social prejudice is, we are apt to judge one's whole being from his or her 'behavioral results' only, without considering the causes and motives of the 'stifled' characters.

'Human alienation' is bad, which has been cried out countlessly by many such as journalists, religionists, politicians, educators,..all over the world. Still the crying goes on. Nevertheless, there always exists alienation in the world where people live.

It's true that world countries put up 'freedom and equality' as their national government ideology, but I would like to ask, are there any 'true freedom and equality'?

The answer is up to you.

Most of realities move by the orientation of normal persons, male persons, white persons, bright persons, wealth and power, healthy persons,... To be sorry, 'freedom and equality' proposed, advocated and drawn by them is none other than 'discriminated freedom and equality.'

Even this 'discriminated freedom and equality' has to be gotten and maintained more by the one who has been living 'under-privileged life' or 'painful life,' who is living, who has to live on in the future, so that he or she may cherish one's own 'self-respect as a life.'

Even if it's half as much 'freedom and equality' as others, it must be acquired for the good of one's own life.

In this process, even if you might suffer contempt, sneering or trampling by others, you must do 'any form of struggling' - regardless of whether you are alone - so that you cherish self-respect as a human being.

If you desert even this self-respect yourself, then you become none other than a 'life to be trampled.'

Text P.320-321 ‘Still I'd Like To Live’